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Thursday, November 20, 2008
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Media turns its attention away from the economic crisis to briefly focus on the important stuff: six chip dips to avoid this holiday season  |
(24) |
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Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouse |
(28) |
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Pirates are asking $25M for captured Saudi Oil tanker or 2 first round draft picks and a player to be named later |
(127) |
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15 more images you'll think are Photoshopped, but aren't |
(60) |
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Dow closes to 5-year low. This is unfortunately a repeat from yesterday |
(151) |
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TV ads depicting fast-food contribute to childhood obesity. Bad parenting still too lazy to take the blame |
(127) |
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Ransom paid on two of the hijacked ships. Chuck Norris seen cringing |
(193) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Economic crisis increasingly forcing Canadians to delay retirement, although for Canadians, their retirement plan basically consists of being put on an ice floe and being pushed into the Arctic Ocean by their kids |
(78) |
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New Fark user survey + update on bad ads. Bonus: for every 1000 people that fill out the survey, Drew will take a shot of bourbon | (π) |
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Companies adopting microblogging to increase productivity and let everyone know that the account manager with the big rack totally has a button undone |
(61) |
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If the stacks of banknotes you've just stolen start dripping ink and emitting smoke, don't take them back to your house assuming the cops won't follow the trail of dye. Or be like this idiot - your call |
(11) |
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If the cops are about to arrest you for drunk driving, the last thing you need them to see is your 2-year-old walking around with a pack of Newport cigarettes in hand and one dangling from her mouth |
(116) |
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Suburban Maryland school officials consider cancelling classes for Inauguration Day |
(120) |
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Don't build a treehouse in Park City, Utah-Unless it meets the building and proper set back codes. They don't mess around there |
(68) |
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If you thought bug bombs were dangerous you should probably avoid the Axe effect |
(108) |
| (Missoulian) | |
Man defends fatally stabbing of his friend with the old "he accidentally walked into my knife" excuse. Five times, apparently |
(50) |
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UAW to congress: Get a deal done. Taxpayers to UAW: Eat a dick |
(735) |
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Times are tough, but evidently not so tough New York couldn't spend $21,000 on an antique Turkish rug for the governor's mansion |
(77) |
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McDonalds pitches health benefits of French fries: They're high in potassium and fiber. Oh, and sweet, sweet sodium |
(135) |
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'Idiot' husband pretends to name newborn Carter Barack Obama. Oh, and don't forget his sister and brother: Brooke Trout and John Elway. Have fun sleeping on the porch, pal |
(115) |
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Photoshop this evocative Egyptian | (39) |
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Robin Williams and a coke addict in a Geico parody (AND a coke addict?) | (97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"One thing that's always bothered me about Thanksgiving is that it doesn't have nearly enough meat in it" |
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Dog drives car into coffee shop in New York. Your dog wants latte |
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Thanksgiving is a time fraught with awkward family issues, especially when the rest of your clan is planning to spend the day performing an exorcism on you to cure you of your mental illness |
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European legislators considering new laws to prevent the theft of virtual goods. Your 43rd level night-elf thief's days are numbered |
(90) |
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Old and busted: Horse shoes. New hotness: Horse leg warmers |
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They say cleanliness is next to Godliness, for one reason you probably hadn't thought of |
(122) |
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In between fart jokes, creator of Family Guy claims that science is "undervalued and degraded" |
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After LaMar started upping his visits to the tanning salon to 5 days a week, his girlfriend Shaniqua became suspicious. "It dawned on me.....hey, we're black, why would he go to a tanning salon anyway?" |
(144) |
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Supreme Court of Canada to rule on whether fat people should have to pay for two seats on an airplane. Midgets are following the case closely and hoping for half-price travel |
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Paralysed bunny hoppy with her new wheels |
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Four Nordic countries pledge 4.6 billion dollars to Iceland amidst threats of new Bjork video |
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Treasury Department introduces video-game like achievements for consumers to stimulate economy |
(72) |
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Yugo reaches the end of the line. Serbians, comedians inconsolable |
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People are shocked to learn that inhaling bug bombs is not good for their health |
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NYPD caught on video celebrating Obama's victory with New Yorkers in a manner familiar to protestors and bicyclists |
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When you're a Prime Minister, and your office is surrounded by protesters, and 24 of them are killed or wounded in a grenade attack but they still don't leave, you've got problems |
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Seven-legged spider drawing sells for $10,000 on eBay. Revised eight-legged drawing expected to go for millions |
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| (Ringo Fire) | |
Serial toilet and porta potty arsonist captured. Now back to the regularly scheduled war on terrorism |
(17) |
| (Florida Today) | |
The Melbourne, Florida hooker roundup evidently snared a librarian, judging by the mugshot |
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Spitzer's prostitute says being a hooker is no different than going on a date and "hooking up" with someone you barely know |
(248) |
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Pakistan to US: "Please to stop the firing of the missiles into our country. Again." |
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Student spider project aboard Endeavor shows that in space, spiders lose all sense of symmetry. Webalarity ensues |
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| (CATO) | |
Today, the Wayback Machine takes us to a 1996 Cato Institute report lauding the benefits of privatizing social security and putting every individual's entire retirement in the hands of private fund managers |
(378) |
| (wdfn) | |
Dems pump brakes, flash high-beams at auto execs |
(174) |
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File a jobless claim this week? If so, you might've noticed the other 541,999 people waiting in line with you. That's a 16-year high for those of you at home keeping score |
(277) |
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The Metro asks if the ghost of a dog scored against England, reminds everyone why this paper has to be given away free |
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Flight attendant lands plane after pilot's mental breakdown. I guess he never got over Macho Grande |
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Michigan is afraid that the demise of the big 3 car makers would spell doom for the uh... thriving... tourism. In other news, bwahahahaha |
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Pennsylvania DOT announces plans to repair viaduct, causing potentially long detours for thousands. Residents heard asking "Viaduct? Why a no chicken?" |
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Oregon town's mayor-elect transfixing national attention with a "purple top revealing impressive cleavage, with a tight black miniskirt, flowing red locks" (with hot pic) |
(282) |
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Drew is helping his buddy Twitch from Z103 in Lex raise donations for kids this xmas. If you're near the Big K on Nicholasville, stop on by and say hi from 8-10am. Bring some toys too. Listen live via the link | (14) |
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♫ He's just a Sk8er Boi, no one you would employ, hiding cocaine in his boards. He's looking really pale, 'cause he's going to jail, where he'll learn to swallow swords ♪ | (38) |
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Paris Hilton: Open for business |
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The Last Boy Scout. The Sun is there |
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Photoshop this bodacious bathing machine | (42) |
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Remember guys, "separated" just means she's not in the room with you right now. Woman wants half of lotto prize won by her husband she separated from in 1982 |
(110) |
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Barking mad German cops set new standards in stakeout technology: tree suits |
(37) |
| (Daily Comet) | |
It's one thing to get upset at a neighbor who complains about your sister's smelly pets. It's entirely another to don a full Nazi WWII uniform, stuff it with ammo, and arm yourself with a 8mm Mauser to settle things |
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Hugh Jackman named "sexist man alive", "best porn name" |
(224) |
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Glasses? Check...Lawnmower? Check...Bullet catching cellphone? Check. With dented cell phone pic |
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Not news: woman dies after being struck by car. Fark: at three miles per hour |
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| (PhillyBurbs) | |
Bad day: You're a police officer charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Incredibly bad day: While searching your house, investigators stumble across your stash of homemade cow sex videos |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 185: "The Inept Farktographer" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme | (220) |
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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Coroner's inquest into man who cut off his own head with chainsaw is complete; turns out he died by cutting off his own head with chainsaw |
(92) |
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Hey Lance, you know who else only had one ball? |
(91) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Prison chess: NJ inmates vs. Princeton students. Don't drop the pawn |
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The greatest conspiracy theories in history. In other news, skeptics of manmade global warming are now "conspiracy theorists." |
(464) |
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Apparently the Pied Piper was a fake because Hamlin, Germany is still infested with rats |
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Instead of giving a man a speeding ticket, officer swipes his Xbox 360 |
(112) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this wall-hugger | (74) |
| (Some Chick) | |
Seven cheerleaders indicted for hazing. Don't haze me, ho's |
(282) |
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An expert says people diagnosed with chronic illness tend to get angry |
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National newspaper runs out of ideas for Somali pirate images, runs music piracy images instead |
(112) |
| (via Romanesko) | |
Newspaper publisher graciously offers ink-stained wretches jobs parking cars at his private Christmas party |
(122) |
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Woman only remembers Sean Connery's voice. And that Indiana was the name of the dog |
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DOW falls below 8,000 for the first time since 2003. EVERYBODY PANIC |
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After you've been thrown out of the taxi for asking the driver to take you and your assault rifle down to the White House, the next step probably shouldn't be to try and catch the train |
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Sheriff's department apologize after undercover deputies tase pallbearer at funeral |
(127) |
| (Journal Times) | |
Magician predicts headlines two months in advance and tape records them. Will be listened to in front of an audience. If he's wrong, each person gets $100. If he's right, he should still get a real job |
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| (MLive) | |
Ann Arbor does one better than the Nebraska Drop Off Program-They have one for Felons |
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| (Some Guy) | |
Tucker Max thinks his unfinished movie can open as well as a movie that hasn't released yet, tests limits of unfounded ego and narcissism |
(346) |
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Final reminder: NJ Fark Party @ Surf Taco in Jackson this Saturday |
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If you've been giving naked bearhugs to joggers in Bucks County, put some clothes on man, it's 30 degrees out. Oh yeah, the police would also like a word with you |
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Michelle Obama to be featured in comic book marking the first time she has been proud of Captain America |
(252) |
| (LA Weekly) |  |
Who's got hockey tickets and a brand-new column and knows how to modulate deflector shield frequencies? This guy |
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When traveling to speak before Congress about how your company doesn't have enough money to stay afloat, flying there in your private luxury jet probably isn't the best way to make your case look legit |
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| (Some Guy) | |
"Sorry, bro", "My bad", and "Duude" are not acceptable responses when you are a drunk college student who started the California wildfires with a bonfire |
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Welcome to Costco. Appliances are over there, kitchen items over there, and the grapes with black widow spiders in them are on aisle 12 |
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| (Some Guy) | |
Turkey price war begins in Ohio. I hear some radio station is giving them away. Just look for the helicopter over the mall parking lot. God as my witness |
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Once again the MSM focuses on the truly needy in today's tough economy: Read the heart-wrenching tales of underwater stock options, $600,000 houses, and cancelled horseback riding lessons |
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| (DC Examiner) | |
Accomodating the eleventy billion people who will attend Barack Obama's inauguration will bankrupt DC city government financially, which perfectly complements their current ethical bankruptcy |
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Californians won't let things like monthly forest fires stop them from rebuilding in high risk, drought-ridden areas. Not when the government is picking up the tab |
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"Prostitute users face clampdown." Presumably for an extra payment |
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Supermarket employee plays 'Killing In The Name Of' on in-store CD player. Overblown moral outrage on aisle four, please |
(373) |
| (tmj4) | |
A postal worker is caught smoking crack in her mail truck. Why, yes, it is Milwaukee.... how did you know? |
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| (Some Guy) | |
"Inmate gets $300,000 for evaporating genitals" |
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When West Virginia State Police denied having a ticket quota, they mean't they didn't have a single, uniform, statewide ticket quota. Each troop has a slightly different quota |
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Photoshop this scarecrow | (50) |
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As if losing your baggage wasn't bad enough, airline loses elderly passenger in wheelchair. US Airways "Our bad, but hey...at least Gramma got a free trip to Puerto Rico." |
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Westminster council officials fire the next volley in the War on Christmas, ban department store from playing carols because they're deemed "noise pollution" |
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Any story that leads off "cleaning his gun" and "drinking double shots of vodka" is sure to end in tragedy |
(280) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The team behind a plan to open Chicago's first public high school aimed at gay and lesbian students pulled the plug today when they finally realized that there might be a slippery slope in that idea somewhere |
(227) |
| (tmj4) | |
Guy's house and land fall into lake when dam breaks. Asks for compensation. Told he owns the dam and may owe millions of dollars. Dam |
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Newly released cockpit recordings from Blink-182 plane crash add nothing, but do give AP a chance to retell whole story as news |
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Oh it's ON now. Apparently unaware of the average lifespan of people in his position, Al-qaeda's latest #2 calls Obama the Arabic equivalent of a "house negro" |
(273) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Law mandating porn stores to close on state holidays ruled unconstitutional |
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Remember when you used to punch your friend on the arm for each year of the birthday he was celebrating? Yeah, that's illegal now, too |
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Old and busted: "The dog ate my homework". New hotness: "The Russians hacked into my computer" |
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♫ When you go for a swim and something bites your limb, that's a moray ♪ | (100) |
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The automaker bailout is like giving a shaky alcoholic another bottle. He's gonna die eventually, you're just postponing it. Cut him off and send him to rehab now |
(241) |
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Cleveland doctor who claimed Elvis was alive and he was treating him may have DNA evidence to prove it. Don't worry, if wrong the King was just seen at the Lumberjack Festival in Wolverine, MI where he was the anchor on the tug-of-war team | (37) |
| (NYSE) | |
Gene Simmons rings the opening bell at NYSE with his tongue |
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Leaders upset that due to its large swinger community, Tampa will now see more ads for websites for people who want to have affairs. Apparently they've never heard of MySpace |
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Cancel the Thanksgiving plans, grandma's in prison again |
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It's wise to take the bus home after attending a gourmet wine and food festival. Just not in the driver's seat |
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Never hire a guy named pancake to move your double-wide |
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Republican senator on U.S. auto makers: "I don't think they have immediate plans to change their model, which is a model of failure." |
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Harlem woman opens up extra-large can of whoopass on three teenage subway muggers. Law enforcement source: "She is one bad-ass mama" |
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| (WYFF4.com) | |
Three women arrested for stealing $465 worth of underwear (with "Do Not Want" picture trifecta) |
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We looked. Then we saw him. Step in on the mat. We looked. And we saw him. Take his cat with a bat |
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| (Some Guy) | |
Man faces drug charges for peddling cookie dough and Orajel as crack, not realizing that Girl Scout thin mint cookies are already classified that way |
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Indians sink pirates. Wait... what? |
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Are you a woman with a big brother? Blame him for your barren, dusty womb |
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First panels of the Jonestown memorial wall unveiled. Giant anthropomorphic glass pitcher seen lurking in background, biding his time |
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Connecticut town falls for the old "Coming Soon Titti City - Adult entertainment" sign on the door gag |