I don’t know what everyone’s user experience is like when on Facebook, but mine (and anyone else that has “single,” “male,” and interested in “women” checked off in the user settings) no doubt gets inundated with advertisements for match-making sites. It isn’t the most difficult metric-magic to work demographic wise, “Hey I bet straight, single men will want to meet single women.” It doesn’t take a wizard from Madison Avenue to market this advertising real estate to Ashley Madison. But at the core of Facebook there is what it refers to as its Open Graph, a way to track, manage, and associate users, their interactions, their actions (even arbitrary ones), etc. throughout the site. It’s what fuels everything from the “Share” button to the “People You May Know” recommendations; and yes this information is available to create a very powerful targeting mechanism for advertising. It’s revolutionary, really.
If you would like to read Facebook’s own explanation, as well as see a creepy brain-synapse-looking mapping of it in info-graphic form, you can here: https://developers.facebook.com/docs/opengraph/
I assume most users already understand this; and those that don’t I assume believe television to be about how cool the Kardashians are, and not about collecting a desired demographic to shove Axe Body Spray commercials.
But here’s what frightens me about it: On Facebook, my personal profile that is, most of what I put up is complete and utter horseshit. The “Family” I have listed is comprised of anyone that responded to a post I made awhile back asking them to add me as their “Uncle or Daughter.” I have grandkids older than me, multiple domestic partners, cousins I have never met, more step parents than mathematically possible, and a brother that was born on the other side of the globe. I make ridiculous statements, and was falsifying “check-ins” the day the feature was available (for the record, my best/worst of these was when I “checked-in” my friend Brooke and I at Planned Parenthood while she was 6 months pregnant, much to the concern of others). The picture I am trying to paint for you is that while I may harvest some real world benefit from keeping in contact with actual friends from around the globe, my personal Facebook account is a farcical representation of me. I have very few “real” posts or interactions outside of a “like button” click on a funny post, or a sarcastic comment. However, try as I might, it would appear that the Facebook Open Graph is a powerful enough tool to sift through all of this and still assign me to a demographic… and they have done it well. It’s either that or they have access to my diary, and I’m not ruling that out.
What makes me applaud their behavioral analysis prowess, you ask? This:
Of all the advertisements they shove in that little side bar area, this one I see at least once every time I log in. The others sometime follow content I’m viewing, or just viewed, and there is a plethora of other singles ads that come up, but THIS one… this one I see every… single… time.
Up early for morning radio, check Facebook at 6am: She’s there.
Sleep in late, jump on Facebook around noon or 1pm: Yep, she’s there.
5 o’clock in the afternoon scoot over to Facebook before a pre-show nap: Yes sir, she’s there.
10:30pm back at the hotel to turn in early, bored, hop on Facebook: And… She’s there.
2:30AM in the hotel, drunk, waiting on a pizza I probably won’t be awake to eat, launch ye’ ole’ Facebook: Uh huh, she’s there.
It’s not just that I’m unwillingly forming a relationship with this ad by seeing it over and over again, either. Let’s look at the juxtaposition of personal likes they’ve managed to shove into one picture.
Multicolored hair is always a bonus in my world. So his blue hair (specifically the non-geriactric blue hair, mind you). This picture? Multicolored hair comprised of two shades of blue.
Dark eye shadow, like an eqyptian would wear to keep the light reflecting off the desert floor from rendering him blind: Yep.
Just a hint of possible asian ancesetry: Just a hint.
Tattoos. Specifically on the shoulder, as in a 1/4 sleeve I’m a fan of. A nice chest piece, if colorful, I’ve always enjoyed. And secretly there is something about the tattooed necklace that let’s you know a hand goes there during sex. And in this picture: All FUCKING three.
The blinds in the background tell me it’s an apartment, or an extended stay hotel because she just moved to town to get her life back together after the Myrtle Beach Hell’s Angel she was dating slapped her around one too many times. Nobody believed she would leave him, but she had gotten what she wanted from him and doesn’t put up with any bullshit.
The positioning of the camera is intended to imply she is sitting at a computer, like right now, waiting on you to get this app that installs a key-logger to snatch your bank account info; and since the quality of the photo isn’t shadowed or pixelated like most webcam shots, than she’s either a tech geek or does unspeakable things on camera at a webcam site. If it’s the former, more points scored. If it’s the latter, more points scored and WHICH ONE?
Although I don’t know if any of the above qualifies her as a “bad girl,” so I must derive from the use of that phrase that she’s done something. Maybe she’s a heartbreaker, or uses the word “cunt” a lot and especially around small children. If so than this bitch is batting a thousand.
I’m going to need this person to be photoshopped for the sake of their own safety. I am also realizing there is undoubtably a series of therapy sessions in my future to determine why I’m attracted to the offspring of an asian pirate and a pixie.
A picture is a thousand words.
