A year in review in 140 characters or less… sorta.

The year in reverse in Facebook Status updates. This is just a simple listing of all the status updates (excluding pictures, video, and links) I wrote on Facebook in 2009 starting from today goingbackwards. Sarcasm, drinking, and violence seem to be a common theme throughout…. Seems about right.

• Dec 24: I ain’t no miracle worker. The last 12 months of your life are fucked. I’m sorry. Time to reset the regret and take your pants off. Hola 2010! • Dec 23: Watching Santa while he’s sleeping… It’s my turn now old man • Dec 21: I’m a little concerned over the amount of information this Santa character is collecting about children without first consulting with the FISA court… I’m headed to the mall to water board one of these bastards in a urinal. I’ll find out what they know… for the children. • Dec 19: I’ll bring the funnel cakes and faulty tilt-a-whirl if you provide the shallow gene pool. • Dec 17: in 2010 I’m going pro-domestic violence • Dec 14: Happy Fucking Holidays show is tomorrow night at 8pm in Birmingham. Prepare yourself for the obnoxious reminder email! • Dec 13: Just found 500 dollars in an old jacket… that the guy in front of me in line is wearing. Score! • Dec 11: Happy Birthday Jewish People! • Dec 11: Where did you go Alco-Carnival? Putting me to sleep tonight w/boredom. • Dec 8 I just learned that black Christmas trees are very popular this year. Is that the “change” everyone keeps puling on about? If so, I gotta say, I might be for this. • Dec 7: Attempting to mentally prepare for my southern migration to a holiday themed Alco-Carnival. • Dec 5: post giant slab of cow eating I find my lethargy pushing me towards nap time – banking on creepy dreams. maybe something with Okie Elves… or birds. • Dec 4: Bah! Bah! Akbar! Sheep are great! • Dec 3: I really enjoy giving indepth answers to rhetorical questions. Fire away. • Nov 30: night off in Kansas before heading to OKC… who’s up for crop circles? • Nov 27: I didn’t eat any turkey yesterday but I did have a Native American fellow spit in my direction at a gas station, which was nice. • Nov 25: in Wichita all week. What size pants do you wear? • Nov 24: This holiday season remember: nothing says you care like an Amber Alert. • Nov 22: A giant happy birthday to my buddy Al Tucker Martin! he was born 46 years ago today… In Dallas… during a parade. All of this is true. • Nov 22: Finally home. And by “home” I mean the Atlanta airport. • Nov 22: alright Milwaukee, I’m outta here. Wichita and OKC the next two weeks. Then Bham. Then Pensacola. Then 2010. Then sleep. • Nov 21: “Don’t worry if you can’t find the words… I’ve dipped my balls in Alphabet Soup to get them to the tip of your tongue” – I think that’s in Leviticus • Nov 20: the guy working the desk at the hotel last night here in Milwaukee repeatedly called me “sweety.” This morning an obese female house keeper called me “dude.” I don’t know what kind of alternate universe this place is trying to operate in but I know it frightens me. • Nov 19: Every time I give someone a “thumbs up” on Facebook, I give someone a “thumbs down” in real life. Just to keep things even. • Nov 18: If you check a bag at the airport (mistake #1 I know) & it’s over 50lbs they charge what is basically the price of a second bag. But you get two carry-ons and they NEVER check the weight of those. Which is why I fill one with multiple 50lb weights… Suck on that Delta! • Nov 18: Nothing like flying to where the high temp is lower than the current locations low temp… I may need to buy different socks. • Nov 16: i think i was just served catfish at a sushi joint in north carolina… • • Nov 14: I was awakened by the children’s program “Jack’s Big Music Show”… I haven’t wanted to kill a puppet until now… which begs the question: How do you kill a puppet • • Nov 13: What is the best / worst thing to stuff a turkey with? • • Nov 12: On my way to north Carolina • • Nov 12: crap… i’m STILL in florida and have been asked to stay another day… i gotta get the hell north damn it! • • Nov 11: When I was little I always confused the word Veteran with Veterinarian. I remember one year helping my grandfather put out flags for Veterans Day and being REALLY confused. • • Nov 10: i look really good in this hat… yes? • • Nov 10: there is an unacceptable amount of nudity on facebook… let’s step it up people. • • Nov 9: writing angry emails to your parents • • Nov 9: my coffee maker insists on being called a barista… well i insist on being called “unicorn pussy”… no?… well alright then, Coffee Maker. • • Nov 8: rinsing out whatever-the-hell-that-show-was-about with the “buy 2 get 1 free on Sunday” policy here at the hotel… you fucked up now Spring Hill Suites! • • Nov 8: May have been taken to the creepiest little dive bar in Tallahassee last night… and acted appropriately. Tonight I’ll be attempting to channel that vibe during the SIN Sunday show. 7pm tally. Pants entirely optional. • • Nov 6: Pancake titties!? Amazing how two wonderful words can be combined to create such a feeling of sadness. • • Nov 6: likes turtles • • Nov 6: When in Rome do as the Romans do; when in Tallahassee, FL just do your best to avoid a rape induced chlamydia outbreak… in fact that probably applies to Rome as well. • • Nov 5: currently learning various ‘techniques of the profession’ from a possible serial killer. If you don’t hear back from me send the authorities • • Nov 4: Helllooo Florida ! • • Nov 3: Take your birth control Tallahassee, I’m gonna be all up in you tomorrow • • Nov 3: Beyonce is overdue for a sex tape… how do we get her to stop singing and use those vocal chords for good? • • Nov 2: just what IS the BEST way to skin a cat? • • Nov 2: Another 24hr stint swinging through the alco-carnival (Bham) thinking Pub debating jäger. • • Nov 2: Sam Elliot’s moustache just bought me a drin • • Nov 1: Holy pickle crap, I just had to shoot a rabid dog… Either that or it was a straggling trick-or-treater… either way it’s shot now. • • Nov 1: Have I managed to be the only one NOT hungover today? • • Nov 1: this is no time to be without a handgun • • Oct 31: i smell burning pumpkin • • Oct 30: What’s the best treat to get or worst trick to be victim of? • • Oct 29: I’m always amazed at the number of race related comments people leave here • • Oct 28: As it turns out the barter system is dead here in Atlanta… Now what the hell am I supposed to do with this goat? • • Oct 28: sometimes they don’t put the blindfold on tight enough and I can still things • • Oct 27: New favorite creepy phrase: “Why don’t you go ahead and pinch me off a little piece of that pussy…” • • Oct 26: What is your favorite Halloween costume idea you either didn’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t actually do? • • Oct 25: After 2hrs and 18 minutes of self involved jabbering on stage last night I find myself a little bit horse today… I’m sure there is a lesson here… • • Oct 24: In Atlanta at Comedy Gold… Waiting • • Oct 23: What’s the best sound or song to play on a continuous loop at full volume to torture someone? • • Oct 22: Randomly in Bham for a little less than 24 hours… must… fight… urge… to… behave… ridiculously…. at… a… bar…. ahhhhh who am I kidding • • Oct 22: What’s your favorite phrase to yell in an effort to release tension/frustration/anger ? • • Oct 21: She/he/it could suck _____ out of/through/off of a ______. • • Oct 20: man… I got a little drunk the other night and accidentally sold my soul to a Deville… 18mpg on the highway and I still can’t play like Robert Johnson.. this is bullshit. • • Oct 19: This hangover is not mixing well with the impromptu indoor fireworks display. • • Oct 18: Loading the revolver to knock on the door of the room next to me & put a stop to its occupants’ constant yelling. • • Oct 17: What is that creaking sound next door? • • Oct 16: What is the oddest or greatest random object you’ve used in the bedroom (with or without a partner). ? • • Oct 16: Driving through rural Ohio – this place could suck a cadbury egg out of a rabbit’s ass. • • Oct 15: I’ll be at WVU tonight 9pm show… That is if I can get the images out of my
head from peoples comments on my last post. • • Oct 15: What’s the worst smell to encounter in a hotel room? • • Oct 14: What ’s the worst phrase to hear before, during, or after sex? • • Oct 13: Check your tone facebook… or I will kill our baby • • Oct 13: I was born in Guam. Bet you didn’t know that… now you do. Learning is fun! • • Oct 12: Just lost an argument to a blender • • Oct 10: Shalom rednecks! Pants party” – Dave Waite • • Oct 10: Go team. • • Oct 10: Uh oh, spaghetti rape. • • Oct 9: I just learned that because I once made love to a Jewish lady that i might now be Jewish… That’s how they breed.  • Contradictory to what I was told as a child… they do not lay eggs. • • Oct 8: Getting ready to do a fundraiser for cancer… seems wrong but they’re paying. • • Oct 8: Sometimes life is easy… and I’m hard… wait… no no that works too. • • Oct 7: Rolling north to Louisville for the week – gonna try to find the boyhood home of HST & set off fireworks on the porch • • Oct 6: What would be the worst thing to see right before you die?…. I’m going with a man’s taint. • • Oct 6: I don’t like Michael Vick… But I love dog fights… • • Oct 5: When is it appropriate to make love to canned goods? • • Oct 5: Totally just got done making out with myself… It would have gone past heavy-petting but I got a little aggressive and I’m just not that kind of girl. • • Oct 5: There is no last call… in my pants. • • Oct 4: If I had a vagina… I would use it for evil. • • Oct 4: gonna do a spot at the Comedy Club in Bham tonight… let’s see if I remember any of my material after last nights Alco-Carnival outing. • • Oct 3: Thanks for all the Bday wishes! I’ll formulate individual responses once I sleep off the Alco-Carnival. • • Oct 2: I may have misunderstood this whole “cougar” thing and made a terrible terrible mistake at the zoo today… • • Oct 1: Why can’t I own a person again? • • Sep 30: Redneck fight night at Iron Horse? Reeeaaaalllyy… Well happy bday Marcus… • • Sep 30: “sucking on a chili dog outside the Tasty Freeze” is the most disturbing song lyric to me… Who “sucks” on a chili dog??!? Fuck you, Mellancamp. • • Sep 30: Going to bed.. Trying to keep my dreams up to par. Damn you Tom Hanks, we’ll see. • • Sep 30: I’m STILL in Birmingham… And tonight carnies told me I was out of line… Carnival workers… Really? You make funnel cakes and I’m the dick? WTF? • • Sep 29: The Mackenzie Phillips story, this ongoing Polanski debacle… come on Chris Hansen stop teasing and just tell us the release date for the TCP DVD box set • • Sep 29: Throwing some maxi-pads in the wash then headed out for a late lunch. • • Sep 29: Hmmmmmmm… • • Sep 28: I’m off all week, we should hang out. cocktails and cursing. tell me what day and what city and let’s see what level of mistake can be formulated • • Sep 27: I just saw a quadraplegic with cystic acne… and you thought your life was a bitch. • • Sep 27: Is going eat an obscene amount of sushi… that Ive decided. What’s up in the air is whether or not I should chew some minty fresh gum afterwards or try to blend in at the lesbian swinger bar. • • Sep 27: Does anyone know when football season starts? • • Sep 26: Great show by Buddy Guy inspite of the stuck up white people…. damned white people. • • Sep 26: My iPhone just took a massive shit while updating… I now have a brand new iPhone… It’s just like my previous one but without the clutter of contacts, photos, or anything else useful. • • Sep 26: Going to see Buddy Guy tonight…. He’s really old so I’m going to boot leg the show just in case it’s his last one. • • Sep 25: Setting traps for the Carpet Nymphs… They will no longer spy on me unchallenged… I will catch their queen and interrogate… It us information I want Nymphs, not war… However it would be wise not to push me. • • Sep 24: I don’t know a lot about “airbrush tans” nor do I feel any need to, however I would like to know what colors other than “tan” are available. • • Sep 24: Preparing for a show at Birmingham Southern tonight… & by preparing I mean smoking cigarettes with a side of scribbling thoughts. • • Sep 24: Me too! • • Sep 23: So apparently those “detour” barracades mean the bridge is unsafe to cross… Just seemed a little underwater… GA state troopers were non to happy however • • Sep 23: I’m not wearing any panties. • • Sep 22: Get those roads open Atlanta. I’m coming through sans tri-toon and haven’t time nor inner tube. • • Sep 22: There is no need to shout, I’m not listening anyway • • Sep 22: Shopping for galoshes in preparation for my jaunt to and through ATL mañana • • Sep 21: well…. shit pickle.. • • Sep 20: The problem with having time to kill is I can never decide on who… whom?… who?…. eh… it’s exhausting. • • Sep 19: Thinking about converting to Islam… but only to piss off baptists… • • Sep 18: I think I’m flying to rhode island today… either that or khandahar (sp?)… really depends on how much I pissed of “ping-pong” the us airways customer service troll. • • Sep 18: Mr Hooper’s eating disorder never ceases to amaze me • • Sep 17: With all this shouting by the towns people I can’t help but look at healthcare as Frankenstein’s monster • • Sep 16: Is 1,147.5 miles from where I’m supposed to be on Friday • • Sep 13: Last show in the alco carnival • • Sep 13: Starbucks & Mexican food should really be spaced several hours apart • • Sep 13: LOL sums up more than most are willing to admit • • Sep 12: One show at the club tonight immediately followed by the continuation of the alco circus that is Birmingham • • Sep 12: That is not what I thought “fire it up” meant • • Sep 12: When ur buddy’s married girlfriend eagle talons ur back, with whom (of the many parties available) do u file your complaint? • • Sep 11: Post show cocktails are a definite… the question is where • • Sep 11: this rain is making all the white people smell strange • • Sep 11: Jalapeño chips were a bad idea • • Sep 10: Preparing for my lecture series • • Sep 10: 3 1/2 hours from showtime & still mid-scavenger hunt for my pants • • Sep 10: I either have acid reflux or my soul is violently attempting to escape in preparation of my demise. • • Sep 9: Hello Birmingham…. Hello hangover • • Sep 8: 1st of 6 shows in Bham tonight @ 7:30pm… Resting the bad idea center of my brain in preparation. • • Sep 6: 3am is no excuse for eveyone I call to be sleeping. Seriously people set your clocks to Hunter S hours.. it may not be better but it’s definitely stranger. • • Sep 5: 120mph and under 5k RPM wouldve pushed the 911 closer to 150 but Julian kept yelling something about my drivers license • • Sep 4: just b/c I was doing 30 over the speed limit doesn’t mean the 911 didn’t have another 20 to give. It does mean that the to-go sushi went everywhere. • • Sep 3: in Greenville, NC. They say there’s a college here… Judging by the Subway employees I beg to differ. • • Sep 2: douched my sinuses early… I feel really dirty but it helped… this Hampton sink will be forever untouchable • • Sep 1: jet lagged in Menstration Station trying to medicate to do a show in Lake Norman tonight • • Aug 31: landed in Charlotte, now about to fly to Atlanta to grab my car and then drive back to Charlotte. & I think I have swine flu. • • Aug 28: 1st day of internet access in 12 days… eh… most of this could have waited until Monday. • • Aug 17: as it turns out… i don’t win. • • Aug 14: 6 shows at The Punchline this weekend – then a 5:30am flight to Nassau on Monday to kick off two weeks. • • Aug 13: hello Atlanta • • Aug 12: my schedule changed, I’ll be in ATL at The Punchline starting tomorrow. Fri/Sat with Mr. Bill Burr. • • Aug 11: Had fun at the Kudu show l
ast night… minus the ball soup humidity on the patio. Today? writing and sept bham show planning. • • Aug 10: pretty sure babies hate anal… u know, in case any of you are prego and trying jump start labor… *ahem… • • Aug 4: Ill… Liscense be damned • • Aug 4: Wait… If that’s not my finger… oh dear… • • Aug 1: Hopes adults are talking • • July 30: Something something something something something something something something something something something something something something • • July 30: Just talking shit on the Internet this AM. Don’t make me hastag that ass… It’ll almost mean something • • July 28: welllllll shit… • • July 28: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, now I get it. I might be a rah-tard. • • July 25: Getting some posts ready for www.stardome.com/blog/ & editing some video then hopefully dinner w/The Hotness • • July 24: Twitter people, I’m bored w/ this #followfriday stuff – when will #sendmattnakedpicturesfriday finally catch on? • • July 22: Wait… People still use fax machines? • • July 21: I enjoy the look from psuedo-national airport security when they comeupon an external harddrive. Ppl w/ rotary phones shdnt inspect bags • • July 19: I put the sandwhiches in the desk drawer for the next guest to enjoy. • • July 16: 2 the Cumberland Plateau 2 test Malcolm Gladwell’s chptr rgardng decendants’ of honor-based societies physcl reactions 2 vrbl transgrtions! • • July 13: No! • • July 12: crap pickle • • July 12: If ur a blogger in Birmingham, Alabama @ me the URL to ur blog =) • • July 11: I’m quite good with Legos. • • July 9: Just waiting to do two shows in Columbus, Ga at The Loft… Got here a little earlier than I planned • • July 8: Tired, drinking a beer, and looking over pictures of myself…. ahhhh self-involvement • • July 6: Washing a pack of cigarettes does not make them any cleaner… only hard to light. *sigh* where were u on that life lesson, Mr. Rogers? • • July 5: Andy Roddick should have let the AT&T Laptop Connect Card play for him • • July 4: Just chillin on the side of the interstate… Not the kind of 4th of July blowout I was hoping for… • • July 4: I’d gladly pay a Tea-tax for a noncapitalistic health care system, better schools, and a lack of religion/superstition in politics • • July 1: Driving to Jacksonville, FL 3 shows / 3 nights • • June 29: For the record, the temp in Bham (& most of the southeast) is officially estimated thusly: Humidty+heat+gambling+racism = “Devil’s Vagina • • June 26: What the helll is it I’m forgetting? • • June 25: BREAKING NEWS! Michael Jackson preparing for the ultimate remake of Thriller video! #Michaeljackson • • June 24: Jobs returns to work with new liver… but it should be obsolete in 4 months when iLiver 3.0 is released w/ SD Card reader and MMS messaging • • June 23: The exhaustion from yesterdays tutelary duties is starting to catch up. Note to self: schedule vasectomy. • • June 23: White people smell funny when it rains • • June 21: Happy mother’s day! • • June 20: Not sure what everyone expects from Ahmadinejad. He denies the Holocaust happened, pretty sure he isn’t worried about Twitpic • • June 20: well crappickle… it just dont jive today… talk with you later PHP, can’t take your white screen of death right now. • • June 16: back in the US. Returning phone calls • • June 15: last night in canadia… fun show.. lots of drinks… and a 6pm flight just in time for my visa to expire… “must leave Canada by June 16th” haha nice wording • • June 11: In Canada…. so if you’ve called me in the last few days… i’ll get back with you on Tuesday. • • June 8: Packing for the week in Ottawa at Absolute Comedy www.absolutecomedy.ca • • June 5: Anyone know where I can find a sturdy but used belt? Ah, nevermind… I’ll just try yellow book • • June 3: I’ll be at the icehouse in pasadena tomorrow not cursing… After that I’ll be at a bar in Pasadena making up for all the not cursing… • • May 27: Listening to the stream over at www.MaximumThreshold.net and avoiding FM radio and its obsession with the auto-tuner • • May 24: Just chillin in Fayetville outside the hotel, wanting to be inside the hotel, waiting on someone to call the hotel to make that happen. Fun! • • May 21: Shhhhhhhh…. the dog is watching. • • May 14: In route to Pensacola for a show at the Break with Dave Tucker & @juliankross • • May 13: STILL laughs at “Ken Lee” • • May 11: get on this god damn motor-sickle and shut the fuck up! Haha! • • May 6: Upside down on an inversion table… Is this supposed to make me hungry? • • May 5: Going to some joint in The Highlands to watch barnes do a set and meet up with @joelsanders • • May 5: Rocking one contact lens today, like a built in sobriety test • • May 4: Smells like rain… Or peas. • • May 4: The lamborghini guy left before I could drive his car – racism – but I have his number. So a wreck is immenent • • May 2: Nice weather Atlanta, way to go. • • April 30: I believe the point is this: I win • • April 29: Just finished celebrating the Pig Flu at The Iguana with @Scottos • • April 27: Everyone staying inside in Mexico to avoid the pig flu so the earth shook and told them to get outside and start sneezing..damn it! • • April 26: compressing some video to upload the Harry Potter Bit to YouTube… i really thought that was up there already • • April 26: A riot broke out in the parking lot while I was onstage – cops called & security staff in the middle of it. I was • • April 25: Gettng ready to start the 2nd of 3 shows in Little Rock – then it’s off to Memphis for The Sinners Ball on Monday. • • April 24: Just finished doing radio in Little Rock, AR – now I’m complete awake… Do I fight my way back to sleep or embrace the day til 5pm naptime • • April 22: sitting in Little Rock 7 shows here this week – then off to Memphis for The Sinner’s Ball – then Bham the 28/29th – Then Atlanta 30-May 03! • • April 22: trying to find the Ebay auction for this “SlumDog” kid… I got a WHOLE bucket of dirt to trade! (that’s the currency there, right?) • • April 17: on hold on BlogTalkRadio.com/SpankyBrown – you better pick up Spank! • • April 17: Watching the rerun of Hardball on MSNBC – I often disagree with Pat Bucchanan (sp?) today he’s a homophobic, biggot, and oppressive zealot • • April 16: Show número two kicking off in Tulsa the land of… Well “land” really. • • April 15: Just sat in for Spanky Brown techincal difficulty filled show on BlogTalkRadio.com – fun but really strange today • • April 15: in Tulsa…. Mmmmm Tulsa • • April 14: car was delivered, still no power in the neighborhood – finding things in the dark and packing for a quick 12hr drive • • April 13: really excited that the storms knocked out the power – now I can rock a jower colonial-style • • April 11: I hope last nights sushi isnt portending my demise on today’s trip to the Long Beach aquarium.. Back off Snoop circa 93… Back off. • • April 10: I hate every version of windows – what a box of shit attempt at OSX • • April 7: I’m excited the estimate for my car was only 2600 – no… Really… That’s awesome. Crap pickle. • • April 7: exhausted from dinner, drinks, too little sleep, beach, and dinner… Happy bday Gangster Lady youre only 21 twice! • • April 3: Well… crap pickle • • April 2: I’m gonna give this cat a colonic with this garden hose if it doesn’t stop presenting • • March 31: has a list of names and is going to meet them one by one • • March 30: is sitting in traffic 0mph • • March 28: s wide awake in the laundry room… maybe if I snort some detergent it will knock me out • • March 25: ahhh NC, perfect weather one day then rainy and cold the next • • March 25: On FCS2 install disc 6 of 8 on one machine and copying tutorial docs to another… I eithe
r need beer or coffee • • March 24: Realizing I do most of my updates from the toilet… I feel it’s only fair to disclose that • • March 23: Plane crashed into a Cemetary in Montana today… There were 4800 dead on the scene • • March 22: The smoking lounge in the Atlanta airport reminds me of a scene from 12 Monkeys • • March 22: This cab driver might be part cartoon character part Dahmer aficionado • • March 22: is waiting on a cab and listening to the housekeeping staff talk about a lady tgey know that gave her baby methadone (sp?) – Milwaukee you’ve been interesting! • • March 22: is amazed at the ridiculousness • • March 21: 1st day of spring and it’s snowing here in Milwaukee – Cheese State, get it together !!!! • • March 20: is waiting for a show to start…. Bored… Very very bored • • March 19: Milwaukee, no hot water! Why would there be? Silly me! • • March 19: I think a crackhead is driving me to radio • • March 18: is in Milwaukee looking for rubber gloves • • March 18: Delayed flight plus gate change – awesome ! • • MArch 17: I’ll be kicking it supine by the dryer till morning • • March 17: Anyone regularly using an HDV or AVCHD prosumer camera – I’d be interesting in hearing your pros/cons on specific models & format =) • • March 15: I think my GPS might have Down’s Syndrome • • March 15: I’m loving the new facebook – but only because so many people keep bitching about it. • • March 15: Jalapeño burnt sphincter #3hotwords • • March 14: is moving across town for the night – two more shows in myrtle beach tonight, then off to NC tomorrow and Milwaukee on Wed. Nice routing eh? • • March 14: is still laughing at the minister at his show earlier • • March 12: Sorry @angelanik …. Up my butt. • • March 12: At lunch with @angelanik trying to explain how muppets would dance to Mexican music… I feel my interpretation isn’t going over as hoped • • March 11: is in myrtle beach all week doing shows – which a billion hours from Alabama, Marie! • • March 10: Workng in myrtle beach all week – 7 shows 5 days one city, so much better on the brain than one show a night in seven cities • • March 9: In Atlanta – exhausted. • • March 8: is writing filthy phrases • • March 6: When John McCain talks about Twittering and Tweets it sounds like a medical condition • • March 6: Ooohh… Acid reflux • • March 5: Did this dial-a-joke thing for Fox in Bham – & some elderly lady told me a filthy joke in response to the one I told her… Creepy & awesome • • March 4: getting ready to call 911 to discuss McNuggets • • March 4: doing the final revisions on an editorial i’m submitting to some papers in Birmingham… we’ll see how this goes • • March 3: Pumped about going to see Christopher Hitchens debate John Lennox tonight • • March 2: nothing like plotting your day of driving to hit 5 o’clock traffic • • March 2: as soon as my check clears, expect a nice truthful venting post about this weekend • • March 2: nothing like a cab company with only one cab running – euthanasia should be mandatory in certain parts of this country • • March 2: Macon, GA from show to management to demographic to trying to get a cab… really, why does this shit-hole exist???? • • Feb 28: When I went to sleep MSNBC had a show on about autopsies. Today they have a show about murders. I expect news casters in goth makeup. • • Feb 27: I’d rather stay in the room and finish off this book tonight than do this show.. dont tell anyone • • Feb 27: in Macon, GA this weekend… let this ridiculousness begin • • Feb 25: Looking forward to hanging with @paulhooper and @moalexander tonight, one’s sober one’s drunk both can eat • • Feb 24: Trying to get on the road • • Feb 24: Just finished editing 20 blog posts for a friend using files and software over two laptops and a desktop via VPN – my brain is numb • • Feb 18: i have video from 7 shows from the last couple weeks to go through… maybe something in there will be worth posting • • Feb 17: is typing • • Feb 14: Attempting to thwart @JulianKross is in constant barrage of sexual advances • • Feb 13: is in Pittsburgh, I don’t care what the locals say it’s fucking cold • • Feb 13: i’m a little concerned that @JulianKross may have over dosed on cough medicine in the middle of the night… no sounds from his hotel room • • Feb 9: Finally in NC, relaxing before Pittsburgh on Thursday • • Feb 9: Thank you Ft Walton Beach for an enjoyable show – nice to leave here sober for a change • • Feb 6: taking a break from writing to eat, regroup, makes some phones calls, and curse at housekeeping • • Feb 6: great, i read some politico article and now im too irritated to go back to bed – writing a retort • • Feb 6: Just finished the quickest radio interview ever • • Feb 5: I’m in Tallahassee, FL getting ready for a show – where are you? And what r u doing there? No… Seriously… I want know • • Feb 5: Heading to Tallahassee, FL for a weekend of shows… Next stop Pittsburgh – routing schmouting • • Feb 3: What exactly is the “Performance Czar”? And why has the Energizer Bunny not been considered for it? • • Feb 3: Sinner’s Ball date for Memphis coming soon! • • Feb 3: I’ll be in Tallassee, FL thurs through Sat – @ me if u want show info • • Feb 2: smells like sunday • • Feb 1: can’t wait to watch this World Series of Football all the kids keep talking about! • • Jan 29: Blagojevich is a sad sad man… How long before the media drops this tard from the radar? Or are they gearing up 4 Palin / Blagojevich 2012? • • Jan 29: Eh… I’m groundhogging this whole morning thing… See you people in the afternoon • • Jan 27: is Sleepy… not the physical and mental description… but the dwarf. • • Jan 26: is doing a 9pm show at Courtyard 280 tonight • • Jan 24: One more show at The Stardome tonight, one more tomorrow, then one at Courtyard 280 Monday night… Then sleep! • • Jan 21: is feeling like a million nickles • • Jan 20: i just heard the greatest phrase in 8 years “the former president of the United States, George Bush” mmmmmm….. “Former”…. =) • • Jan 18: i think it’s cool that our first african american president is going to his inauguration via an above ground railroad! eh.. hmm.. *sigh* • • Jan 18: really glad i had all three shows taped last night – another download album coming soon! are you on my email list? that’s how you get it! • • Jan 18: is attempting to explain that I do not pen letters to my butt… Thank you for the concern • • Jan 17: writing my ass of today… probably should have used a pen instead. • • Jan 15: just reached 666 followers on Twitter… twitter.com/mattdavis is the anti-christ… for now anyway… frightening. • • Jan 15: psshh… water landings are for the birds… ha.. eh… *sigh* • • Jan 14: so much to do.. so little vodka.. • • Jan 14: resting between my long winds • • Jan 14: my tour dates on DavisComedy.com are wrong… it’s ATL this week Bham next week. last minute change. now you know, even if u didnt want to • • Jan 13: is in Bham for less than 24 hours… • • Jan 12: My Punchline dates got swapped around, I’ll be there THiS week (Thurs to Sun). Hit me up if you need more info • • Jan 12: Just watched Gran Torino… Now get me a beer dragon lady • • Jan 10: Meeting up with Jarrod Harris… It’s not quite 70 degrees here… Yet. what’s the temp where you are? • • Jan 9: I just crapped in your pants • • Jan 9: in the middle of a wordpress nightmare • • Jan 6: knows what he’s doing… do you? • • Jan 5: could really use a cocktail today • • Jan 3: I’ll be on the live stream at MaximumThreshold.net at 10pm ET / 7pm PT for those want to tune in • • Jan 3: doing a little writing to the old htaccess file • • Jan 3: Something is on fire outside… I hope it’s just a house and not th
e entire city • • Jan 2: Shoving Zycam up my nose every four hours • • Dec 31 2008: Wishing all my new and long time friends an awesome 2009! Do something pantless 2nite! -matt davis